My Menopause Blog: When I Am An Old Lady

My sister-in-law gave me the book, When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple when I was in my early 30's. Seemed my fashion reputation was established and she wanted to show her support. Or maybe it was her way of warning me of my dotty future.

Regardless. I wear purple. Always have. And if the book is accurate, it's just going to get more pronounced.

Which may be bad for my health if last evening's tragedy is an indicator.

I attended The WalMart Movie, The High Cost of Low Prices at the University of Guelph, my alma mater.I could go on. Better if you see the film yourself.

It's a bit nippy up here in Canada right now so I was bundled up in multiple layers of colourful clothing. Envision this. Mint green corduroy pants, orange jacket and scarf, mauve hat.

For those with limited colour education, mauve is a tint of purple. Orange, green and purple complete a triad colour scheme. It's a distinct, yet fetching look that is part of my signature.

I rotate around the colour orange.

As I walked across the front of the mostly full auditorium of 300 people, I suddenly became self conscious of my mauve hat. I go through this every winter. Hats, for me, take some getting used to and the season has just started. The hat in question is brand spanking new and very noticeable. My extrovert bought it. Now my introvert was wearing it.

In my attempt to remove my new hat, with a nonchalant flip of my wrist, I lost my attention on the task of negotiating the seats, narrow ledge and upcoming obstacles. Distracted, I rammed my left thigh, with incredible force, into a hard plastic desk top.

Instantly my entire leg shot full of pain. I, now embarrassed, in excruciating pain, with hat head, and still in the front of the audience, soldiered on with nary a grimace.

Liar, liar, leg on fire, my inside voice screamed, me certain blood would start to appear on my green pants at any moment.

For the rest of the evening, all night, and currently, my leg is but a shadow of what it was before my mauve hat insecurity reared it's friggin head. The bed sheets hurt. My pants are killing me. Don't get me started on the water from my shower.

Ironically, my thigh is purple.

When I am an old lady be damned.

Sue Richards

Tag: menopause