Saturday, November 19, 2005

My Menopause Blog: When I Am An Old Lady

My sister-in-law gave me the book, When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple when I was in my early 30's. Seemed my fashion reputation was established and she wanted to show her support. Or maybe it was her way of warning me of my dotty future.

Regardless. I wear purple. Always have. And if the book is accurate, it's just going to get more pronounced.

Which may be bad for my health if last evening's tragedy is an indicator.

I attended The WalMart Movie, The High Cost of Low Prices at the University of Guelph, my alma mater.I could go on. Better if you see the film yourself.

It's a bit nippy up here in Canada right now so I was bundled up in multiple layers of colourful clothing. Envision this. Mint green corduroy pants, orange jacket and scarf, mauve hat.

For those with limited colour education, mauve is a tint of purple. Orange, green and purple complete a triad colour scheme. It's a distinct, yet fetching look that is part of my signature.

I rotate around the colour orange.

As I walked across the front of the mostly full auditorium of 300 people, I suddenly became self conscious of my mauve hat. I go through this every winter. Hats, for me, take some getting used to and the season has just started. The hat in question is brand spanking new and very noticeable. My extrovert bought it. Now my introvert was wearing it.

In my attempt to remove my new hat, with a nonchalant flip of my wrist, I lost my attention on the task of negotiating the seats, narrow ledge and upcoming obstacles. Distracted, I rammed my left thigh, with incredible force, into a hard plastic desk top.

Instantly my entire leg shot full of pain. I, now embarrassed, in excruciating pain, with hat head, and still in the front of the audience, soldiered on with nary a grimace.

Liar, liar, leg on fire, my inside voice screamed, me certain blood would start to appear on my green pants at any moment.

For the rest of the evening, all night, and currently, my leg is but a shadow of what it was before my mauve hat insecurity reared it's friggin head. The bed sheets hurt. My pants are killing me. Don't get me started on the water from my shower.

Ironically, my thigh is purple.

When I am an old lady be damned.

Sue Richards



Blogger ¬£eslie said...

It seems I may be entering this phase of my life, also. While searching for info, I stumbled upon your blog.

You have such an intelligent writing style. I have placed your blog in my favorites and look forward to reading more in the future.

11/20/2005 05:50:00 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Hi there, popped in from Michele's.

11/20/2005 06:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Janer said...

Sueness, so sad you hurt yourself. Must tell you tho, I have always had this tendency to try and put my hipbone through the corner of solid objects - countertops, tables, buildings... Perhaps i've always had some sort of estrogen deficiency that has me denying physical reality of my body and the world around me - but then again, as i've heard you say, it may just be a question of "speed kills".

I'm loving reading all three blogs every couple of days. Leslie's right - your writing is extremely intelligent - and funny!

11/21/2005 02:01:00 PM  
Blogger Sue Richards said...

So not only is my left thigh swollen, now my head is all fattened up too.

Thanks for the 'well timed' compliments L and J. I'm in bloggers blues right now...


11/22/2005 11:35:00 AM  

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