Sunday, December 11, 2005

My Menopause Blog: From Mrs. Santa Claus

To Ms Richards,

Well aren't you the bearer of glad bloody tidings! Ho, Ho, Ho, and jingle bells to you, you, you....menopausal maniac. What gives you the right to upset our happy north pole home with talk of a respectful, vertical relationship with my husband of so many decades I've lost track.

I mean, I know he gets bags of mail from girls claiming to be good and I'm not stupid enough to overlook the fact that he does stay out all night. I smell the milk on his breath in the morning. His beard is caked with cookie crumbs. The man sleeps for a whole week afterwards. He's spent. Wasted. Totally done in.

But, lingerie? A snow mobile? Good grief woman. I get baking sheets from him every year. No wonder he's FAT.

But not anymore. You'll be seeing one skinny Santa next year. No more flour, butter, sugar for Mr. Jolly, ring my bell, hark ye stupid angels, Claus. From this point forward, buddy boy is on a diet! Soon as he shows his twinkling little eyes in the house again. The cowards out sleeping with those stinking animals. Stupid man. Whatever was he thinking?

If your intention is to be a home wrecker, then you're good...very good at fulfilling your goal. But if you have a shred of decency, please show us some kindness and back off!

From: Not so Mrs. Merry Clause.

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7 Comments:

Blogger kristal said...

lol... cute post.

12/11/2005 07:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Last Girl On Earth said...

That's a hoot! I'm going to read some more of your blog. So glad Michele sent me over.

12/11/2005 07:23:00 PM  
Blogger margalit said...

Woah, Santa on a diet? What are you thinking, Mrs Claus?

Michele sent me.

12/11/2005 07:24:00 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

LOL...thanks for the giggle! Visiting via Michele tonight.

12/11/2005 07:38:00 PM  
Blogger OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Very Very cute..OOL, LOL, LOL!

I'm here from Michele, this afternoon! And happy to re-visit you.

12/11/2005 08:00:00 PM  
Blogger utenzi said...

Michele sent me to see you, Sue and it's great to be here.

Your post is cute, Sue, but you're a little misguided here. If you're going to go after a fellow, don't pick one that only gets out once a year. And indeed spreads himself so very thinly on that one night! Every house in the world? *whew*

That does remind me of that song "Santa sweetie". I'm not sure if that's the real title but her voice always gets me to pay attention!

12/11/2005 08:08:00 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Hi Sue! Thanks again for stopping by my blog. I'll need to check yours out more often, since I'm heading straight for that menopause thing in a mean way.

12/11/2005 11:45:00 PM  

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